Fanfare for the Common Man: Insanity thy name is DROID

  • Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Albert Einstein defined insanity as the repeated embarking of the same task expecting different results.
I get his point. Iíve been like this since I got my new cell phone. I perform the same task over and over again (checking for text messages and emails), expecting different results (a text message or an email when I previously had none).
When I had to pay per text message I would get texts all the time. Now that theyíre basically free, I get none.
Before purchasing my DROID and signing my two-year unlimited talk, text and data plan, I had no cell phone plan. I had an AT&T Go Phone, which fit my limited needs just fine, except if I desired to text, and then it really put the screws to me, charging 20 cents to send and receive. You pass 10-to-20 texts between friends and family and you just chewed up $8 of whatever money you pre-paid onto your phone, which in my case came in $15 chunks.
Do you know how fast you can accumulate 20 text messages?
In about 25 minutes, thatís how fast, and other than pumping gas, I donít know anything that could go through so much so fast and give you so little in return.
So, now I get unlimited texts and nobody texts me.
Itís how your kids communicate, I was told. So I got unlimited texting to communicate with my kids.
I remember hearing the same thing being said about Facebook a few years back. Itís how your kids communicate, they told me. So I got a Facebook page so I could communicate with my kids.
The problem isnít texting or Facebook when it comes to communicating with your kids. Itís about your kids wanting to communicate with you.
Letís face it, not all kids relish the idea of talking to their parents. Oh, they talk to us, but only when they have to, or they need something.
My kids know what Iím up to because Iíll send a text or post something on Facebook.
ďStanding on the door-stoop watching the day pass me by,Ē was one recent status post. ďLooking out the window at the rest of the world,Ē was another.
All signposts on the road to insanity for sure, I know what road down which I travel.
Thereís another feature thatís part of the $69 a month I pay for all these nifty little devices that are slowly driving me crazy. Itís call the Phone GPS System. It lets me know where I am.
The problem is I already know where I am so I find the whole GPS thing pointless.
ButÖ they tell meÖ the GPS will also let others find you in the event you become lost, disoriented, or abducted.
I really donít want to be found, though. I know how things work with looking for the lost via GPS. They track the phone. Those get chucked into the pond and they sink to the bottom. So while theyíre dredging the pond looking for your body, you are taken out into the swamp and tied to a tree.
Another feature on this DROID I know Iíll never use is the TV feature that allows me to watch all the television Iíd like right there on my cell phoneís business card sized screen.
Itís really neat.
Here I am sitting on my couch, not three feet from my 32-inch television screen, that Iím paying almost a hundred bucks a month not to watch, trying to pick up a faint cellphone signal so I can watch TV on my cell phone.
No, thatís not insane at all.
Thatís just flat out nuts.

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