Random thoughts while walking for an hour in rural Colleton County:
?    I always walk facing traffic. I want to see what mows me down.
?    Is that possum really dead or…?
?    Even here in the swampy Deep South, the hardwoods dress up for autumn in stunning shades of russet, gold and crimson. I like to collect maple and oak leaves to tuck around the candles on the dining room table.
?    My husband insists I carry a cell phone on my rural rambles, even though we both know there won’t be a signal when I need it.
?    On good days I run. On bad days I hobble.
?    There is no dog on earth like a country dog. Most lift their heads, bark at you once and doze off again. Occasionally, one will amble to the edge of his yard, give you a curious squint and then flop back down on the grass.
?    Is it wrong to have a cougar crush on Tim Tebow?
?    Widdle and I have a family doctor, an OB/GYN, a chiropractor, a dentist, an oral surgeon, a cardiologist, urologist, internist, dermatologist and ophthalmologist. This is getting ridiculous.
?    Speaking of ridiculous, the litter on our roads goes way beyond that. It is, literally, criminal. Yesterday the shoulder on one stretch of quiet country road was strewn with greasy fast food wrappers, cigarette butts, empty beer bottles and cans (somebody’s drinking a LOT of malt liquor), crumpled plastic bags, Styrofoam cups, a Bojangles chicken box and a stained map of South Carolina. I’d call it piggish, but all the pigs I’ve ever met were pretty clean. Throwing trash out of car windows is shiftless and shameful, and makes Mother Nature mad.
?    A neighbor once asked, “Why do you always look down when you walk?” Because that’s where the snakes are.
?    We have so much stuff, we hired a man to build a backyard mini-barn so we’ll have another place to stow our stuff. I don’t mean lawn mowers and boats. I’m talking about holiday decorations, shoes, dog toys, books, mismatched sheets, lumpy pillows, ugly lamps and a Mr. Coffee that quit in 2005—all the things that seem too useful to toss, but not useful enough to keep crammed in closets (or under beds) any longer.
?    I love walking because it’s so simple: A pair of athletic shoes and a water bottle and you’re good to go. (A hat, sunscreen, iPod, Mace and spare house key wouldn’t hurt, but you get my drift.)
?    If the hair on my head grew as fast as the hair on my legs, I’d be the Crystal Gayle of Colleton County. Which leads us to…
?    If you’re the only one who knows you have hairy legs, should you still shave them?
?    My grandfather drank moonshine, smoked, ate fried meat three times a day and died at 93 after harvesting a peck of prize-winning tomatoes. My mother smokes, eats Little Debbies for breakfast and loathes all physical activity. She’s 81 and going strong. Here I am eating soy burgers, exercising daily and gulping every supplement known to man, and what do you bet I step off at 60?
Julie R. Smith, who thinks too much, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.