I vant to vote you into office

  • Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Bela Lugosi for coroner. Could there be a better fit between a man and a job?
What about Batman for sheriff? Tough on crime, and he outfits the department with those marvelous crime-fighting gadgets at no cost to the taxpayers.
Sadly, one is dead (and not actually a vampire) and the other fictional.
Both got votes in last Tuesday’s election, though.
And as a matter of record, Batman was actually outpolled by Barney Fife, 2-1.
The three men and hundreds of others got write-in votes from voters who somehow couldn’t bring themselves to vote for any of the options presented, as a quick look at the electronic write-in votes revealed.
Some of the electronic write-ins were serious. Mike Turner, who lost in the primary to Sheriff L.C. Knight, got 172 write-in votes, still far fewer than the 41,074 votes that Knight, the only candidate on the ballot, received.
Outgoing Sen. Mike Rose, who lost in the primary to Sean Bennett, got 83 electronic write-in votes, along with a few write-ins for state representative and soil and water commission.
Some votes were perhaps the result of wishful thinking, or maybe confusion over jurisdiction – Todd Garrett, who ran for a seat on Charleston’s school board, got seven votes for Dorchester’s board, and Charleston County Sheriff Al Cannon got three write-ins here.
The ever popular “anyone but” got votes for several offices, as did “none,” “nobody” and “no one.”
A quick skim of the results indicates people are more likely to write in a vote when they have only one choice on the ballot.
Only a handful of people chose to write in a name in the Senate 41 race, where Paul Thurmond and Paul Tinkler were competing for the seat, and few wrote in for the House 97 race between Rep. Patsy Knight and Ed Carter, though two stalwarts wrote in their support for Jordan Bryngelson, who lost in the primary to Carter, and one confused soul wrote in a vote for Knight.
Given but one choice, though, an obstinate streak shows through. Some voters can’t mark the name on the ballot, but they just can’t skip over it, either.
Thus, Mickey Mouse gets 20 votes for solicitor. “Your momma” gets one vote. (Sorry, my momma doesn’t live in the circuit).
Lex Luthor, Superman’s wealthy archenemy, gets one vote for treasurer, as does Scrooge McDuck.
Oberon, King of Fairies, gets a vote for probate judge; given his capricious and spiteful behavior, it’s probably for the best he didn’t win. The Count got a vote for register of deeds but really, given his talents, wouldn’t he have been better suited for treasurer? Maybe next time.


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