Happy 85th

Thursday, November 7, 2013 2:22 p.m.

Smith says UPDATED

Wednesday, November 6, 2013 12:01 a.m.

Last week my mother turned 85. Not bad for a woman who thinks a balanced meal is a Little Debbie in each hand.

Julie longs for good old days UPDATED

Wednesday, October 23, 2013 11:52 a.m.

Remember the good old days, when kids fell off the monkey bars and nobody got sued?

It’s not easy being petite

Wednesday, October 9, 2013 12:01 a.m.

Today I put groceries away by hopping and hurling cans into the cabinet. So, yeah, it’s hilarious that I’m not tall.

On being petite UPDATED

Saturday, October 5, 2013 12:01 a.m.

Today I put groceries away by hopping and hurling cans into the cabinet. So, yeah, it’s hilarious that I’m not tall.

Smith Says UPDATED

Wednesday, October 2, 2013 10:08 a.m.

Scenario: A lovely autumn day. Husband and wife are heading out to run errands. They switch the TV to Animal Planet for the dog, lock the door and go. As they walk down the steps, wife hands husband the car keys.WHY????Surveys show that when couples travel together, about 75 percent of the time hubby drives. Unless it’s my husband, who …

Of God, man and Facebook UPDATED

Tuesday, September 24, 2013 7:33 p.m.

We’ve all seen them on Facebook: Posts of pictures featuring folded hands or sad-eyed lambs with oversized text that says: “If you love God, Stop what you’re doing and Repost this. Jesus said, ‘If you Deny me before Men I will deny you before My father’!!!”Aside from the random capitalization, which in itself …

Bedtime Stories UPDATED

Tuesday, September 17, 2013 8:27 p.m.

Sleeping with someone can be scary.Just last Saturday, shortly after midnight, I was on that sweet edge of oblivion, the moment of no return when you feel yourself slipping under. At that instant Widdle Baby--already sound asleep—sat bolt upright, bobbed his head sharply and let out a blood-curdling scream. Then, still sound asleep, he …

Smith Says UPDATED

Wednesday, September 11, 2013 5:36 p.m.

  If you want to see the real face of America, stand in line at a Redbox kiosk. You’ll see an amazing cross-segment of humanity. I call them the Redbox Regulars.The good ol’ boy renting anything starring Bruce Willis or Larry the Cable Guy.The hipster chick with long, straight hair and a lip ring. Her indie pick features an ensemble …

Smith Says UPDATED

Wednesday, September 4, 2013 1:12 p.m.

Random thoughts while making my husband’s favorite snack that, happily, takes less than five minutes to prepare and does not involve sharp utensils. Or a stove. (Recipe to follow.)Forget Easter Island: How two people can generate five loads of laundry a week is one of the mysteries of the universe. I fold clothes in my sleep.In a perfect …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, August 27, 2013 10:46 p.m.

God provides, even when it comes to roosters.You may remember our boy Roy, the proud, handsome rooster who showed up one day, stole my heart and vanished.Roy came and went in less than a month, just long enough for me to become a crazy rooster lady. When he disappeared I was crushed. He refused to live in the fenced backyard, and we still wonder …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, August 20, 2013 9:33 p.m.

 Let’s see, what’s up with the news lately…You may be among the one million people who viewed a YouTube clip of Mark Brown—who could easily pass for a member of ZZ Top-- dancing to “Chain of Fools” with his pet raccoon, Rebekah. Girl’s got mad moves. It’s good, clean entertainment, if more than a …

Age comes to us all UPDATED

Wednesday, August 14, 2013 1:00 a.m.

 We’re born to die, according to my late Baptist deacon father. That’s a true, if bleak, statement. I’d add this: If we’re very lucky, we grow old before we die. That goes for dogs as well as humans.Miss Nicky, aka She Who Rules, is happily waddling into the autumn of her life. We adore this little dog, who was born to love …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, August 6, 2013 11:26 p.m.

The only thing more fun than owning a rental is hitting yourself in the head with a brick. Until you pass out.I know, it’s a first world problem… but being a landlord is a special kind of crazy. Still, I won’t sell it because I have this silly hope that the market will rebound, and I’ll actually make a little money someday. …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, July 30, 2013 11:51 p.m.

 It’s that season again… time to change my purse over for the summer. Yes, I’m two months late, but better late than black leather in August.Actually, I couldn’t care less about what I carry. My mother is the only reason I know about purses. (I still don’t know about shoes, as proven by the tore-up Skechers I wear …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, July 23, 2013 12:51 p.m.

Disclaimer: Do not read this while eating, or sipping a Bloody Mary.Hello nosebleed, my old friend.Guess what? Nosebleeds are scary. One minute you’re surfing mentalfloss.com and giggling like a loon, and the next minute Widdle walks in to offer you some black grapes (they’re delicious) and staggers back screaming, “Oh my God! …

Smith Says UPDATED

Wednesday, July 17, 2013 12:31 p.m.

Wouldn’t life be easier if everyone just walked around with a big sign listing things they love, things they hate and things they don’t give one whoop about?Anybody? No?So it IS just me. Here’s the deal: Everyone has opinions and I’d like to know them going in, so to speak. That way I wouldn’t get in trouble for …

Living spaces UPDATED

Tuesday, July 9, 2013 8:23 p.m.

 Tiny houses are the rage now—and by tiny I mean shoebox-sized. Cramped is cool, according to sites like Tinyhouseblog.com and Tinyhouseplans.com. A blog, ourweehouse.com, offers tips and info from a couple living in a 130 square-foot house. Can you imagine? If Widdle and I tried that, there’d be a murder in the first week.We I …

Smith Says

Tuesday, July 2, 2013 3:17 p.m.

 Most of you know I’m a news junkie. That’s because A) I made my living in the news for years and B) It’d be embarrassing if everyone knew the world was ending except me.So. The latest topic that caught my eye was an MSNBC article about people winding up in the ER trying to live out their bucket lists.Let’s look at a few:An …

Smith Says UPDATED

Wednesday, June 26, 2013 1:47 p.m.

Who says rural life is boring? There's never a dull moment in the country.My beloved rooster, Roy, went missing two weeks ago and I've been in a terrible funk. I thought I found him in a pen a half-mile away, and yes, I was creeping on other people's property looking for my bird.I hollered, “Roy, is that you?” and he crowed and flapped …

Smith Says

Wednesday, June 19, 2013 12:59 a.m.

It is the strangest thing to be 52. Having never been this age, I'm not sure how 52-year-old women are supposed to look, dress or act.I know mini-skirts are out (I can still hear Mother's voice:  “Just because you CAN wear it doesn't mean you SHOULD wear it.”) In fact, I try to avoid any garment that shows my knees, which look like …

Happy birthday, T-Bob! UPDATED

Tuesday, June 11, 2013 5:26 p.m.

My beloved brother, T-Bob, turns 54 this month. He has no idea how this happened.Where do the years go? Just yesterday he was an 18-year-old soccer standout weighing scholarship offers. (He stayed in our hometown of Wilmington, N.C. You can take the boy out of the beach, but… )I love all my kin, but T-Bob and I have a special bond. Too bad …

Wow! The topic of this week’s drivel (column) fascinates me UPDATED

Tuesday, June 4, 2013 2:35 p.m.

 A photographer in New York City used a telephoto lens to capture candid images of his neighbors in their homes, going about their daily lives. And then he sold them.He described it as art. They described it as, “Say WHAT?!?”According to the Associated Press, Arne Svenson took pictures of residents in a building across the street from …

Smith Says

Wednesday, May 29, 2013 9:21 p.m.

Yet another graduation season has come and gone, and yes, I’ve compiled a new, updated list of gems for young adults venturing out into the Real World, which is anyplace that doesn’t have five Starbucks within two blocks.So without further ado….Dear Graduates:Life is neither as grim nor as carefree as you think it is. It’s …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, May 21, 2013 9:51 p.m.

The thing I loved most about being a reporter was this: Crazy could break out at any time, and often did. I covered brawls at funeral homes (“You’re the reason Mama’s dead!”) and civic meetings that turned into free-for-alls, with yelling taxpayers and fuming officials. Whether funny, shocking or touching, like the old …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, May 14, 2013 2:01 p.m.

 Many of you have asked about Chanticleer, the rowdy rooster who showed up one day at the Ponderosa. (That’s what Widdle calls the homeplace.)He’s fine, but he’s no longer Chanticleer. During my boring, English-major explanation about Chaucer and the history behind the name, Widdle’s eyes glazed over. Then he gave me his …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, May 7, 2013 8:18 p.m.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all in processed food—remember when ad execs thought blue French fries and green ketchup would appeal to kids?—comes another mind-boggler. I refer, of course, to…. caffeinated Cracker Jacks.World, meet Cracker Jack’d.Now, really. If you’re so exhausted you must ingest caffeine …

Smith Says UPDATED

Tuesday, April 30, 2013 6:38 p.m.

So, a man walks into a courthouse with a duck… no, really.A couple of weeks ago, Honolulu resident Michael Hubbard went to court on two charges of felony assault. Most folks want some support when they appear before a judge, and apparently Hubbard’s pet duck was the closest friend he could find in a hurry.Since no news source mentioned …

Smith Says UPDATED

Wednesday, April 24, 2013 4:15 p.m.

Widdle and I have a lot to crow about around here. Or so the latest tenant seems to think.Last week while I was fretting about finding new renters for the condo I bought before marrying Widdle, a squatter appeared a little closer to home. In fact, he moved in under my very nose.A rooster has decided our humble abode is his idea of Green Acres. He …

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