Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I caved last week and bought a Snuggie.
It’s been cold lately and as seen on TV, the Snuggie is the ultimate in keeping warm and comfy. For the lonely guy the Snuggie will do when there’s no one else around to get warm and comfy with.
I had high expectations. I had hopes. And sadly, I’m a bit disappointed. In fact, I got “fleeced.”
They reel you in thinking you’re getting this nice, thick big blanket with armholes poked in the front. No such luck.
The fleece is almost threadbare and it sheds like an old dog.
The Snuggie lends credence to the claim that there are no more original ideas left out there. An original idea is nothing more than someone seeing an old idea from a different or more unique perspective and then acting on it.
The basic premise of the Snuggie is simply wearing your bathrobe backwards ... which I did for the most part during the first 10 or so years of my life because I hadn’t really mastered the concept of dressing properly.
My wardrobe misadventures have been well documented here.
I wear loafers most of the time because when tying my shoelaces I’m still stuck on the Rabbit Ears Method. Every time I tried to master the Woodchuck Method of tying shoes – when Woody pops out of the hole to go around the tree and back into the hole – it usually ends up with me tying my fingers to my shoe.
Putting on a shirt or jacket – or bathrobe – involved stuffing my arms into a pair of the first available armholes I found, and it became a crapshoot whether I’d have the shirt on right side out, upside down, or backwards.
I’m sure the designer of the Snuggie had a nine-year old like I used to be in mind as he came out of the bathroom wearing his bathrobe backwards and not think anything was amiss with the concept at all.
I’m sure the idea spawned right after his mom or dad said, “Oh I need to have a long talk with that boy.”
Production costs on the Snuggie are minimal. Take your standard bathrobe, turn it around and stitch some pockets on the backside and you’re ready to package and deliver.
The Snuggie came in several attractive patterns and designs. I opted for what they called Buffalo plaid, which is that bright red and black plaid you see fisherman wearing in the middle of winter when they smear the fine line between fishing and standing in the water looking like an idiot holding a stick.
As for keeping you warm, my backside was all exposed and chilled, ice so I had to take a blanket and let it dangle down my back, which was what the whole Snuggie design premise offered to make obsolete in the first place, wasn’t it?
Putting it back in the box was like trying to refold a road map, or returning it for a refund is out of the question. Plus, the material is so flimsy it’s like wearing a screen door. I’ve spent all morning tugging at the sleeves of this thing like I’m wearing an ill-fitting prom dress.
I’ve since been told to turn in my Man Card for the whole prom dress remark.
After purchasing the Snuggie and wearing it around the house all morning, I feel the need to do something manly like go drive my car through mud or yell at the TV like I think they can hear me.
What would they do if they knew I kept a Superman blanket?