Inklings: Ecumenical Expressions | Columnists | Summerville Journal Scene

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Inklings: Ecumenical Expressions

Published Thursday, April 29, 2010 1:05 PM

By Barbara Lynch Hill
Summerville Journal Scene ®

I’m often asked how I get ideas for a weekly column. I always answer truthfully: “I pray!” Deadline is Wednesday for Friday’s paper and if I don’t have an idea by the previous weekend, I go to church with advanced humility. “Help me Lord,” I pray. “You understand time limits!” The muse always comes through – admittedly sometimes at the last possible moment, but it comes through. My e-mail buddy High Flyer sent along some inspiration humor at exactly the right moment to answer my plea. The first is gastronomical.

A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town’s annual holiday picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. “This baked ham is really delicious, the priest teased the rabbi. “You really ought to try it. I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don’t know what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Hall’s prized Virginia ham. Tell me rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?”

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin and said, “At your wedding.”

Sometimes foot-in-mouth disease spreads to church, and the most helpful prayer would be: “Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand firmly over my mouth. An elderly woman walked into a local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely. “The front row please,” she answered.” You really don’t want to do that,” the usher whispered confidentially. “The pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired. “No,” he said. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly. “Do you happened to know who I am?” he asked. “No.” she said.

“Thank God,” he answered.

In my view, and happy experience, the third response here could most assuredly come from any creed. A kindergarten teacher gave her class a “show and tell” assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion. The first student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.”

The second student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Mary. I’m a Catholic and this is a rosary.” The third student got up in front of the class and said, “My name is Tommy. I am Baptist and this is a casserole.”

Here’s my favorite, and a variation of “there are no atheists in fox holes.” A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayers, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. “Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray,” the priest said. “No, said the minister. “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to heaven.”

“You’re both wrong,” the guru said. “The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor.” The repairman could contain himself no longer. “Hey fellas,” he interrupted. “The best prayin’ I ever did was when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole.”

And again, amen.

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