Inklings: Learning (all I really need to know?) from the internet | Columnists | Summerville Journal Scene

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Inklings: Learning (all I really need to know?) from the internet

Published Thursday, February 25, 2010 12:48 PM

By Barbara Lynch Hill
Summerville Journal Scene ®

It seems author Robert Fulghum might have really started something when he wrote “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” My sister Cynthia, who stays on the lookout for column ideas for yours truly recently passed on an “All I Really Need to Know . . .” treatise about Noah’s Ark.

A bit of on-line research showed there were numerous sites for the above as well as dozens of other “learned from” parody subjects, such as; My Teddy Bear, My Cat, My Dog, My Girlfriends, My Guardian Angel, Drinking Coffee, Star Trek, The X-Files, Computers, and Fishing.

I liked the ones about Noah and fishing the best. They somehow seem to fit together. And besides, I’m married to a fisherman. A bit more investigation told me that Noah was purported to be between 500 and 600 years old at the time of the Ark. That vessel itself had some pretty impressive estimated numbers as well: 450 feet long, 45 feet high, a beam of 75 feet, and three decks. It was basically about half the length of the Queen Mary!

I toured the docked Queen Mary in Long Beach, California several years ago and the comparison seems incredible to me, given that she began sailing the North Atlantic Ocean in 1936 a few millennia or so after the Ark. That ocean liner was elegantly decked out and I’d have loved the opportunity to see what I could learn from traveling on her. But I digress. Back to the Ark and its life lessons.

The main things learned from Noah’s Ark include:

· Remember that we are all in the same boat.

· Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

· Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

· Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

· Build your future on high ground.

· For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

· Speed isn’t always an advantage: snails were on board with cheetahs.

· Don’t miss the boat.

· If you can’t fight or flee – float!

· Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs: the Titanic by professionals!

· No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting

And for all you anglers (and your spouses) out there, here’s what’s learned from fishing:

· There is no such thing as too much equipment. (Lord knows that’s true!)

· When in doubt, exaggerate.

· It’s good to be at the top of the food chain.

· Even the best lines get weak after they’ve been used a few times.

· Cast everything in the best light possible.

· Sometimes you’ve really got to squirm to get off the hook.

· You never forget your first bite.

· Fish always start to grow after they get away.

· The fishing is always better on the other side of the lake.

· When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing, and finally,

· A fishing line has a hook at one end and an optimist at the other.

Come to think of it, there’s might just be a thing or two one can learn from the internet after all.

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