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Smith Says

Published Tuesday, March 23, 2010 1:40 PM

By Julie R. Smith
Summerville Journal Scene ®

Some days the news makes me sad; other days it astounds me. But usually, it leaves me scratching my head.

This is me, scratching and pondering recent headlines….

- The Celebrity Mercury should be towed out to sea and torched. Or sunk, to make a nice artificial reef.

- Why in the world, upon finding a video camera in a public forest, would you steal it, consult a lawyer and then call the press?

- So, Gov. Mark Sanford was reprimanded and has to pay $74,000 in fines for ethics violations. I bet that chafes his cheap behind. (I could take more shots here, but everything worth saying about this tawdry man has already been said better by others, so I’ll just let him slither off into the sunset.)

- Note to Rielle Hunter: Could you be any crazier?

- So, Iggy Pop was voted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I have never heard a single Iggy Pop song. Ever.

- There is no power on earth that could keep me sitting in a giant, germ-laden metal tube, packed with 200 people, parked on tarmac for 10 hours. Seriously.

- I’ve never had a dentist use a paper clip during a root canal, but that image will keep me awake for a week or two.

- If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to smack Sandra Bullock’s husband in his southernmost tattoo. Poor girl gets an Oscar and a gut punch in two weeks’ time. (No “blind-sided” jokes, please.)

- Memo to another Oscar-winning actress: I do not care about your unshaven legs. Please stop talking about them.

- I don’t have an opinion intelligent enough to add to the health care legislation debate, so I’ll pass.

- Between high chairs and Hondas (not to mention Toyotas and before that, Ford Explorers), I’m starting to think maybe the Amish are smarter about the transportation thing. When was the last time you heard of a buggy recall?

- The older I get, the more I wrestle with the death penalty. (Please don’t write and tell me what I should believe. I debate only myself. Thank you.)

- I don’t get all the “Twilight” hysteria, but 35 years ago I was hooked on “Dark Shadows.” Barnabas Collins—now that was a sexy vampire.

- My heart goes out to Marie Osmond. She seems like such a nice person; I can’t imagine her grief.

- The latest figures show that Americans owe more than $970 BILLION in credit card debt… which begs the question: Do you really need that pedicure or birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese?

- I’m fine with a 30-cent tax hike for a pack of smokes—but to be fair, it should also be applied to peanut M&Ms and KFC two-piece meal deals.

- The man who stalked sports reporter Erin Andrews and drilled holes in hotel room walls to film her taking showers—then posted the video footage to YouTube, no less—should’ve been sentenced to MUCH more than two and one-half years. He’s crazy, and he’ll be out soon.

- I miss Bernie Mac. I know he’s been dead a year. But I still miss him.

Julie R. Smith, who refuses to follow any news on Twitter, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.

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