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Smith Says

Published Tuesday, June 22, 2010 12:40 PM

By Julie R. Smith
Summerville Journal Scene ®

So, a new study has found that short people a 50 percent higher risk of having a heart attack or dying from one, compared to taller people.

While weight, blood pressure and smoking remain important factors, shortness is now, apparently, a risk factor.

You know why shorties are more likely to have a heart attack? Because we’re so ticked off about being short, that’s why.

Okay, I’m not mad, exactly, but there are days I’d trade a few teeth for a couple more inches. At present, I could walk under a good-sized collie dog.

I’ve said it before, but I never had a chance: Mama is 5 feet tall; Dad was 5 feet 7. Shortness aside, I happily inherited my mother’s petite bone structure (and unhappily inherited Dad’s gigantic eyebrows).

Mama enjoyed being small. “We’re not short, dear, we’re petite,” she’d say. “And men LOVE petite women.” (That was certainly true for her: I have vivid memories of Dad literally chasing her around the kitchen table.)

There are pros and cons to everything in life. Example: A nice, juicy sirloin steak. Pros: Delicious, easy to prepare, excellent source of protein and iron. Cons: You can hear your arteries hardening.

See what I mean? Thus, I now offer the ups and downs of being short.

Pros:

We look so cute in pajamas.

People usually won’t scream at a small person.

We can scrunch up and sleep anywhere.

We can slip through crowds like a greased pig.

There are always lots of small sizes at thrift stores.

We can square our shoulders and swagger without looking like a linebacker.

We can buy inexpensive gym shorts and tank tops in the boys’ department.

When circumstances require, we can fit into a suitcase.

We’re more approachable because, let’s face it, we don’t scare anybody.

Our legs aren’t trapped under the seat ahead during a six-hour flight in coach.

We can wear high heels and still be petite. And…

Short women usually have small, cute feet.

It’s true: Dynamite comes in small packages. (Clichés become clichéd for a reason.)

Cons:

After one sandwich, our waistline expands three inches.

People put drinks on your head. They really do.

Having to go find a store clerk because you absolutely, totally cannot reach that jar of hummus on the top shelf.

We have to hem everything, including bathrobes. And sometimes bathing suits.

Three words: Two-drink limit. Halfway through a third glass of wine, I can’t remember my horoscope sign or who I came with.

We who have wide shoulders and mommy hips look like SpongeBob SquarePants.

Try finding pantyhose that don’t bag around the ankles.

We can’t carry anything larger than a footstool. Speaking of which…

We spend too much money on stepstools to help us reach high shelves. Then we stash them behind the dryer and end up crawling up on the kitchen counter anyway.

Airbags can literally kill us.

This seems uber-obvious, but we have to take two strides for every one of a tall person.

No-one ever describes a short woman as “leggy” or “long-stemmed.”

Dogs don’t acknowledge us as alphas. See earlier entry about collie.

Julie R. Smith, who is just about on eye-level with her Jack Russell, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.

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104 East Doty Avenue | Summerville, SC 29483 | 843-873-9424 office | 843-873-9432 fax