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Smith Says

Published Tuesday, June 29, 2010 1:24 PM

By Julie R. Smith
Summerville Journal Scene ®

So, Sullivan’s Island is going to outlaw hooting, whistling, singing or hollering in the street.

Somewhere, my father is laughing. (Well, smiling broadly. He only laughed about three times in the 26 years I knew him.)

According to The Post and Courier, SI Town Council last week gave the nod to an ordinance that makes it illegal to yell, shout, hoot, whistle or sing on public streets--especially from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m.

But you’re not safe at 3 p.m., either: The law would ban the aforementioned utterances “at any time or place if it's annoying people nearby, in an office or in a home.”

Dear, deceased Dad is probably pleased because he didn’t think folks should do anything in the street except drive or learn to ride a bicycle. My mother agreed wholeheartedly. In fact, after my brother Bubba broke his foot stepping off a curb on his way to mail a letter, she didn’t think anyone under 30 should be allowed near the street without a permit.

She and Dad laid down many rules about public behavior for their daughters, and most of them involved the street.

“A lady should never laugh, cry, raise her voice or chew gum on the street,” Mama often proclaimed.

I got so sick of hearing this that, at about age 13, I spoke up.

“What about the sidewalk?” I snickered.

“I will smite you in the street before God and man,” she said. That’s one proclamation I believed.

Elected officials on SI adopted the rules in an effort to ensure “peace and quiet” in residential neighborhoods that abut the commercial district. (North Charleston already has such a law in place.) Even more interesting, the SI code of laws already prohibits crying, calling, shouting, whistling, rattling, using a bell, gong, clapper, horn or hammer or drum on the street.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wanted to walk weeping down an island road whistling “Jingle Bells” while banging a hammer on a drum. To think I missed the window of opportunity to do this is a terrible blow.

And while we’re on the subject, is there a legal definition for “hoot”? What exactly does a hoot sound like? Is it the same thing as a holla or a whoop? Does it sound like a squall or a squeal? Law-abiding folks need to know these things.

You know what I wish they’d outlaw?

* Saggy britches on the street.

* Snappy yappy dogs on the street.

* Yawning open-mouthed on the street. (COVER YOUR PIE HOLE! I don’t want to see your gaping gullet.)

* Sneezing on the street. Nobody wants your germs.

* Cursing in the street. (There is no quicker way to establish oneself as a piece of trash.)

* Sitting on the curb with your feet in the street. I’m not the best driver, so there’s a good chance I’ll actually run over your instep.

* Arguing on the street. It scares me to death when people argue in public. If you’re crazy enough to do that you’re probably crazy enough to pack heat, and I’m outta there.

There are some other things I wish they’d outlaw, but I’ll keep ‘em to myself. I can’t put all my business in the street.

Julie R. Smith, who’s not very street smart, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.

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104 East Doty Avenue | Summerville, SC 29483 | 843-873-9424 office | 843-873-9432 fax