Published Friday, January 25, 2008 1:14 PM
Updated Friday, January 25, 2008 1:14 PM

 

Inklings

Marriage Blueprint


Jim and I have just completed our fifth decade of marriage with the close of 2007 and I feel emboldened to offer two my Two S's formula for our successful union. (Ironically, each S stands for "separate," which may be a major cause of our longevity.) My submissions: Separate Bathrooms and Separate Shopping Trips.

We have lived in several homes with four small children (including twins in diapers) which only had one bathroom and that on the second floor. We did have a large master bath once, and the only people who didn't fit in there were the master and his wife. This huge room always seemed to be full of little kids, two bathing, one brushing, one flushing. We adults usually fled to smaller enclosures. Our present home, which we've lived in since the late 70s, now has three and a half baths - and one of them is Jim's and the other is mine, all mine. That took over three decades.

But the Separate Shopping Trips necessity was made clear to me even before the wedding day. The groom-to-be was on leave from the Air Force during Christmas 1956, seven months before The Big Day.

This would be the last time we were together before the center aisle trip and we had lots of decisions to make. One was to choose our crystal and china. I suggested we drive to Bennett's Jewelry in downtown Atlanta to make the selections. (Now this is an absolutely true story!) He drove me up to the front door of the store, reached over and opened the passenger side door and said, "You run in and pick out the patterns. I'll drive around the block a couple of times and pick you back up."

Well, I married him anyway. On our honeymoon to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, I attempted to change this shopping aversion. In his new husband mode, he would accompany me into gift shops (my particular joy) but would stand beside the door with his arms crossed, his eye on his watch and make loving comments. These included: "What do you need in here? Why do you want to go into a Christmas shop now? It's only July for Pete's sake! What possible reason could you have to spend a whole half hour sifting through local art prints? We got lots of pictures as wedding presents. You can't possibly need another picture. We don't even have a house yet, much less a wall."

Since that time we almost always shop separately. Jim is a destination shopper. He knows what he wants, goes in, makes a choice, goes out. If he doesn't find what he likes, he goes home! I like to look, and look, and look and then look some more. So, now I go first and make some picks in the big things, like furniture and appliances. Then he comes in and says what he likes. If we're lucky, it's the same thing. It's often not. Then we go to lunch, or more helpfully, share a couple of cocktails. We can usually barter over these to get something we both like.

Maybe discovering the Secret of being able to blend Separates is the really successful "Two S's" formula. Works for me.