Smith Says

Forgive me if I babble on today. The antibiotics I’m taking cause dizziness and possibly delirium.The medicine is for—wait. Fair warning: Lay this column aside NOW if you’re eating, recently ate or may eat today.The drugs are for a particularly nasty ...  full story

Ten years ago, my brother T-Bob married a Russian woman. Five short years later, two babies joined the crew.Today the tykes—Alexander and Anastasia, better known as Sasha and Ana--are 6 years old. Their favorite activity is screaming. In Russian.T-Bo ...  full story

Virginia Woolf said it was money and a room of one’s own (i.e., a sanctuary in which to work or dream.)Gloria Steinem—‘memba her?--said the key to happiness is a sense of purpose.Marabel Morgan—I KNOW you ‘memba her—said making our husbands happy wou ...  full story

Smith SaysThis morning I had black coffee and tomato paste for breakfast. I’m not crazy yet, but it’s coming.What I’m trying to do is follow the latest recommendations for healthy eating. Let’s see if I’m up to date:* Tomato products can help prevent ...  full story

“You’re odd,” my husband said last night.I froze with my fingers in the mustard jar.“Me, odd?” I spluttered. “YOU’RE odd, pal.”He stopped sniffing the silverware. “No, I’m interesting,” he huffed. “You’re strange. Sorry, darling.”I walked backwards t ...  full story

Can you believe the uproar on the boob tube? Late night talk show hosts have turned into sulky little boys. Conan O’Brien is Dennis the Menace, refusing to accept a later time slot. He’s taking his marbles and going home. Jay is the Beav, pouting bec ...  full story

I recently read a book about American consumerism. It said we are what we buy, that where we spend our money reveals our priorities and, sometimes, our morals.That may be true, but I think you can also learn a lot by what people DON’T have.I know fol ...  full story

I just read a magazine essay in which a woman shared memories triggered by unpacking and hanging her heirloom Christmas ornaments.She described the love and care that went into the purchase of each one—a silver star commemorated her grandmother’s 25t ...  full story

Fifty-four years and eight days ago, a wise, witty, stubborn, snoring, oyster-slurping, generous, hard-working, handsome man was born and proved again that God is good.Widdle Baby will hate this column because I’m typin’ and cryin’, and he hates anyt ...  full story

It’s the oddest thing: I remember (down to the buttons) what my first-grade teacher, Mrs. Henderson, wore on the first day of school 43 years ago, but I can’t remember if I took a four-hour class last month.I can’t recall which comes first in CPR, ch ...  full story

Sometimes I forget to be grateful. Okay, most of the time I forget to be grateful.I have everything that matters—more than I ever dreamed of, actually. But so often I focus on what I don’t have. Maybe that’s human nature. Or maybe that’s just me, spo ...  full story

Random thoughts while walking for an hour in rural Colleton County:?    I always walk facing traffic. I want to see what mows me down.?    Is that possum really dead or…??    Even here in the swampy Deep S ...  full story

He snores like a hippo. I’m a lousy cook. But so far, so good.The problem with anniversary columns is that eventually they start to sound like reruns. But what the hoo, here goes: In two weeks, Widdle Baby and I will celebrate our fourth anniversary. ...  full story

God bless America, land of lard-flavored ice cream. You know it’s out there somewhere.We’re blessed to have so many choices in our nation, but really -- have you tried to buy ice cream lately?The people at Publix still talk about my last meltdown (no ...  full story

Age creeps up in funny ways. It might manifest itself as creaky knees, or a sudden appreciation of naps.For me, it was threading a needle.I’m no seamstress, but I enjoy replacing loose buttons. (Hey, I take my hobbies where I can find them.) Lately, ...  full story

Random thoughts while in line to pick up all the pills Widdle and I take to stay on the good side of the grass:•    If you can’t sit down, swallow or breathe after you zip your jeans, please perform a public service and wear a larger s ...  full story

Facebook is amazing. You can share videos, photos, jokes and news, send party invites and instant-message everyone from the mayor to Mark Spitz.You can also play Farkle, Mafia Wars, Sorority Life and about 24,129 other games. (My husband, Widdle Baby ...  full story

I don’t love anyone like I love my brother T-Bob. We talk by phone every week, laugh at the same jokes and hate the same movies. I solicit investment tips and he requests marital advice. We two are tight.It hasn’t always been thus. As children we tri ...  full story

Four years ago I moved to a rural burg. Some might call it a one-horse town, but we have plenty of horses here.You could say “bucolic village,” which conjures images of Lady Bountiful pouring tea for the vicar, but we have no titled gentry or vicar, ...  full story

My husband hopes to go to heaven when he dies. I think he’s heading for Costco.Widdle Baby’s beatific expression when he walks through those doors is how I imagine Bernadette looked at Lourdes when she saw the Holy Mother, except he’s staring at pall ...  full story

Need more proof our world is going bonkers? Reflect on these recent gems:•    A Long Island pastor is in trouble for seducing two parishioners, under the guise of marriage counseling. The ladies also happen to be sisters, thus proving ...  full story

A recent survey showed that the average dog has the language comprehension level of the average 2-year-old.A middling mutt—a solid C student—can learn 165 words. Those in the top 20 percentile can learn 250 words. Border collies are brilliant; Afghan ...  full story

Widdle and I like to take his mother out to eat on Sundays. She has a passion for a particular Chinese buffet, which suits us fine.She always has her hair done and wears a nice outfit, lipstick and earrings. I like to claim a table near the buffet, b ...  full story

Dear Facebook:It started out so innocently. You were friendly, like a breath of fresh air.I’d seen you around for ages, but never thought you’d like the low-tech type. I figured you were out of my league. I didn’t want to be laughed at if I tried and ...  full story

According to an article on Newsweek.com, “polyamory” is the latest wrinkle in the love world. I can’t even pronounce it, but some people live it. And like it.Ployamory is when a couple takes other partners, with everyone’s full, informed consent. (No ...  full story

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What's your big purchase for christmas?