Smith Says: Who said it | Commentary | Summerville Journal Scene

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Smith Says: Who said it

Published Tuesday, January 24, 2012 12:02 PM

By Julie R. Smith

Maybe you saw a newspaper quiz last week about “who said what” famous quotations. I got most right, except “Give me liberty or give me death,” which I always think was Nathan Hale but was Patrick Henry. (Hale said, “I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.”)

Anyway, the quiz made me remember other quotes. They weren’t said by famous people, but they helped make me who I am today. So without further ado…

“Hey, sis, drink this!”—My beloved brother, T-Bob.

“Your hormones are killing me.”—The long-suffering Widdle.

“There’s no shame in drinking a cold beer on a hot day.”—My father, the deacon. He also said, “When you dance the devil is laughing,” which is why I couldn’t dance if my hair were on fire, but love me some beer.

My mother uttered many keepers over the years, including: “Shut up and watch the Rev. Billy Graham.” “Never depend on a man to support you.” “You are no better than anyone, and no one is any better than you.” “Beauty fades, but manners last forever.” “Keep your weight down.” “Brush your teeth before communion.” “Get an education, find work and make your own money.” “Men gossip worse than women,” and, my personal favorite: “A man won’t buy the cow if he can get yogurt delivered for free, in a truck, at the crack of dawn.” (I laughed wildly just typing that.)

“You’d be a lot cuter with freckles.”-- My other brother, Bubba.

“Just because you can have children doesn’t mean you should have children.”--A former boss--a crusty old codger who smoked Cigarillos and had a unibrow. But she was wise.

“You broke your leg? Quick, swallow some milk thistle.”--My sister Moonbeam, who floats somewhere between the earth and stars.

“I’m pretty sure your dog ate my rabbit.”-- Former neighbor.

“You have an education and you’re funny. Now you just have to learn how to cook.”—My best friend, Floozy, on how best to snag a man.

“Don’t suffer fools gladly. Hell, don’t suffer them at all.”—One of many mentors.

”A woman’s hair is her crowning glory.”--My father again. This explains why I beg stylists not to cut more than two inches off my split ends.

“Find what you love to do, and do it.”--High school teacher.

“There are more starving writers than there are flavors of gum.”--My college English advisor.

“It’s better to be liked than feared, because nobody donates blood to a dying mean boss.”--A former co-worker.

“My date swallowed your tropical fish.”—An ex-roommate. Also, “I’ll have the money by Saturday,” and “I didn’t know he was your boyfriend.”

“What do you mean, frogs make you faint?”--Lab partner in 10th grade biology.

“You’re more fun than I thought you’d be.”--My ex-husband.

“No person will ever love you like your dog loves you. That’s the truth.”--A veterinarian who didn’t even like dogs; he owned cats.

“You really should pay more attention to expiration dates.”—My aunt after she purged my fridge, leaving nothing but mustard and a box of baking soda.

“Turn off the lights and the TV and get under the bed during a thunderstorm. And don’t answer the phone ‘cause it might be the devil.”-- Libby, who helped raise us.

I’ll end with this gem from Widdle: “You do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.”

Julie R. Smith, whose most famous words were: “Did someone move the lad—“ can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.

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