Published Tuesday, April 08, 2008 1:56 PM
Updated Tuesday, April 08, 2008 1:58 PM

 

Breaking news: parents raise great kids

It's a scene repeated in too many cities: a mother in Chicago is arrested after leaving a young child sleeping in a warm, locked, alarmed car, while she and two other siblings go to put money into a Salvation Army kettle.  It's December, and typical of the winter in the Midwest, it is cold and sleeting.  Media reports include information that the mother stayed in the parking lot with the car in sight. Charges are later dropped.

Reactions to the case in the media blamed either the police or the mother.  The media is quick to give its full attention to cases like this, or other more serious allegations of child abuse or neglect.  Wouldn’t it be a refreshing change if the media and the public paid such close attention when something goes well with a child or family?

"Despite constant media focus on bad parenting, there are many families who raise happy, healthy, competent children," said Barbara Austin, Triple P – Positive Parenting Program Training Coordinator for Dorchester County. "These are children who communicate well with others, are considerate and respectful, and who work to solve problems that they encounter."  

How do these children develop habits like these?  In recognition of April as Child Abuse Prevention Month, here are some tips from Dr. Matthew Sanders, creator of Triple P:

• Encourage politeness by speaking politely to your children, and not responding when they ask for things in a whiney or demanding way.  Praise them when they speak nicely.

• Let children know what behaviors are expected of them in different situations.  If a child needs to correct their behavior, give a firm, calm instruction.  Don't give instructions from another room. Get close to your child, say their name, and tell them directly what it is that you would like them to do.  Then, give them time to cooperate, and praise their cooperation.

• Model kindness to others, and be sure to say something if you notice them being kind to others. For example say something like, “Anne, you did a great job holding the door open for me when I came in the house with the groceries!”

• Tell your child when they have done a good job managing their emotions.  This is especially true in situations with siblings.  For example, you might say something like “Mary Elizabeth, you did a great job ignoring your sister when she teased you.  Nice job staying in control.”

• Help your child make friends.  Take time to help your child get together with friends; with young children it may help to invite the parents along as well.  Talk about what behaviors you expect from your child when they are visiting with friends.  Encourage behaviors that you want to see, like speaking nicely to one another, sharing, or taking turns.

• Show an interest in what your child talks about.  Take a few moments to stop and listen when they approach you with a question or to tell you something.  This can encourage children to express themselves, and helps them know that what they have to say is important to you.

"We as parents have the ability to decide what skills and values we would like to instill in our children, and how we teach those behaviors to our children," Austin said.

The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program helps build positive behaviors in children, confidence in parents' abilities, and community support for raising children. Triple P is available in Dorchester County. For more parenting tips, games for kids, information about Triple P and a list of local providers, visit their Web site at http://www.tpinfo.sc.edu or call 1-877-KIDZWIN.